And The World Blows Up
by Jay and Thoren
Summary: Random stupid little one-shots that usually end with the world blowing up.
1. Chapter 1

Once there was a nice he-she from Eldin. Her\his name was Black. She\he was about 12 years old and treasured the legend of the goddesses. Black dreamed of being a triforce bearer for many years. Then Ganondorf came and said-

"I can't rule worth crap, I can't win a single battle, and I all around suck. I would be honoured to have such an awesome being as you to hold my triforce."

'Sure." Said Black. He\she murdered Ganondorf and took his triforce. But he\she accidently put it on backwards and had to get plastic surgery to fix it. Black decided she\he needed a new wardrobe to be the ruler of power. He\she broke into 5oo houses and smashed tons of pots to get rupees.

Then he/she realized he/she didn't need the rupees and could just steal the clothes. So he\she glued all the pots back together and replaced the rupees.

Then he\she went and stole the clothes. A bathrobe. She placed a pot on her head for a hat.

"Hey, I look Powerful! Whahahahaah." He\she shouted ecstatically. Almost immediately a beautiful rainbow appeared and down floated Din in red, Nayru in blue, And Farore in green.

"Tomatoes." Said Din.

"Broccoli." Said Farore.

"Blueberries." Nayru said.

"What?" Black said.

"We each have a royal veggie named for our colour." Nayru said.

"Cool." Black said "But broccoli's the only veggie there."

"PUMPKINS!" Replied the goddesses.

Black the left in a huff. "I'm going to take over Hyrule." She said randomly.

Black then wanted to be a girl. So she went to Kokiri forest and stole some elf clothes. She was sooo happy. She cut the skirt shorter, took off the sleeves on the jacket, and put slashes on the leggings. Finally she placed the elfish hat on her head.

"It's better than my bathrobe" she exclaimed.

Later that night Link was walking to Kakariko village down the middle of Main Street. Unfortunately for him he noticed Ganondorf's dead body. He went crazy.

"Why the heck am I on this stupid adventure if he's dead? Know what? I'm going to find this person and attack them! No one kills my nemesis but me!" Link then blew up as well as the rest of the world.

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><p><strong>This is Jay- Thoren's reading up random future chapters.<strong>

**-Good-bye**


	2. Chapter 2

Link was a changed elf. He was obsessed with ties! He had a pink, a green one, a Christmas one, and even a chu chu one made of 100% chu chu jelly. It all began when Link was walking through Kakariko village and saw a sign-trade your old worn hat for a brand new tie- Malo Mart. So Link went walkin to Malo Mart and shuddered when he saw all the identical pictures of the little twerp. When he walked in he said-

"Rainbows?" Malo replied with-

"Crayons."

"Yay!" Link yelled and jumped up and down with joy. He then took off his green hat and gave it to Malo. Malo then went into the back of the shop and brought out a box of ties. Link took the box from him and admired all of them. There was a yellow one with green stars on it, a hot pink one with orange chu chus on it, and a blue one with silver stripes.

Link carefully selected the blue one and put it on.

"Yay!" He giggled ecstatically. "I have a tie! Suddenly a random fairy popped up and started yelling in his ear.

"You got a tie! Set it to your neck to look better. Maybe you'll get a girl. Just maybe." Link blushed.

Malo ushered him out of his gaudy store and laughed his head off.

LITTERALY!

Meanwhile . . .

Zelda was screaming at Tingle because he ate her pie . . . her apple pie. Tingle had denied all proof of eating the pie because he said the postman had eaten it.

Zelda had brought the postman to court. The postman in turn had curled up into a fetal position and refused to talk when questioned. Zelda decided that the postman was guilty and hung him for eating her pie. She also hung Navi for being his accomplice and Tingle just to be sure.

Link went to the castle to see Zelda shortly after the hanging of all the annoying people we couldn't care less about. Zelda took one look at him without his hat, curled up in a ball, and started bawling like the little wee baby she is. Some wise girl she is. Link ran up to her and patted her back.

"Awwwwwwww Zeldie, what's wrong?" he questioned caringly.

"Navi died today and so did the postman and Tingle and it`s all my fault" she moaned.

"Who cares?" was Link`s reply. Only resulting in making her cries louder.

"And then you went and lost your hat."

"WHAT!" Link screamed forgetting he had traded it for his tie. He ran away to find his hat without even saying goodbye to Zelda. Once he was gone Ganondorf randomly showed up and killed himself which made Zelda smile like a drunk three year old. Zelda got up, stopped crying, and ran to her room. She grabbed her favourite book- How to deal with your crazy boyfriend- and started reading in her beanbag chair.

Meanwhile Link was running in circles around Hyrule field with his new best friend. A cucco named Freddie. Freddie was brown with hot pink spots courtesy of Sierra's Sundries and loved to draw pictures of garbage trucks. Freddie then pecked Link in the eye and the world blew up.


	3. Ganondork the Fuzzy

"So today I and Thoren have a special guest. Anyone got a clue?" The crowd looks at Jay puzzled. They've never done a talk show before, just a ton of dead people. Ganondorf runs out on the stage bowing and smiling like a drunk six year old.

"Ganondorf! You stupid nimrod! We haven't introduced you to the crowd yet!"

"Oops. . ." Ganondorf said, wetting his pantyhose. Jay shot him in the butt with a light arrow and he screamed like a 15 year old girl. Not much better then drunk 6 year old but we're getting somewhere . . .

"Soooo after that untimely and disturbing inconvenience I will now introduce you to our very special and cuddly guest!" Thoren exclaimed.

"Give a round of applause for Ganondork the Fuzzy!"

"Ganon would you like a chair?" Thoren asked after the asked for (Everyone was terrified of Jay, Thoren, and all their friends.) applause. She gestured to an old torn up box that looked ready to collapse.

"I would love one. However I have an arrow sticking out of my butt."

"Oh I'll fix that for you!" The sound of tearing flesh echoed through the stadium. A scream that resembled that of a drunk 1 year old followed.

"Dang it. Now he's just a wimp."

"Let's see you have an arrow shot in your butt and torn out Jay!"

"Sure." Jay had Thoren shoot an arrow in her butt and tear it out. She didn't even wince.

"My turn!"

"Sure, why not?" This went on for the next ten minutes. The girls started breaking out in laughter while Ganon and the crowd stared on in disbelief.

"Of course this can't hurt us, we're invincible."

Ganondork the Fuzzy was getting tired of the crap that had been going on for the last 15 minutes so he took Jay`s suggestion (fearfully) and sat down on the old wooden box only to have it collapse under his weight.

"Ha ha" Thoren crowed "Ganon`s F.A.T."

She then took it upon herself to state the obvious.

"And in case you didn't know that spells FAT." Ganondorf clutched his stomach hurtfully.

"I`m not fat, I'm big boned." Ganon croaked.

"Are you sure about that? I have pictures of you with no shirt on and I don't see a lot of muscle." Jay laughed in the background. She then flexed her upper bicep which showed a boxer arm.

"Show off…" Thoren glares at Jay

"Hmph" Thoren then flexes HER upper bicep and shows a muscle the same size as Jay's but more awesome. The whole audience look at each other wondering how one muscle could be better than another. They all shrug.

"Well, we'd all love to keep laughing at Ganondorf, but we've run out of time. Sorry!" Jay yells into the crowd.

And then the world blows up!

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><p><em>I have absolutely nothing to say about this. I'm sure Thoren would, but it's on my computer, therefore she doesn't get the chance. I apoligize for any random tense or name spelling changes, as Thoren's famous for that crap.<em>

_-Jay Foren_


End file.
